Yes, it's true. I'm officially of the Market.
As of April 4th, I am an engaged woman. Zachary swept me off my feet, and I'm not sure when I'll have them firmly planted on the ground again.
I know it's nearly February (YIKES!) and we're getting married in May (holy cow...so close!) but I've been really busy with, well, life, and planning this wedding!
First, weddings are expensive y'all. And I've wanted to pull the plug and do a courthouse ceremony more than once during this process, but Zack continues to squash my fears by telling me "it's not a big deal" and "I mean, we'll have everyone together so it'll be great" and then I go full force into my wedding crafts (again).
Second, life tends to speed up when you've got a huge thing you're planning. I feel like I blinked, and it was Christmas. And now January is nearly over! If time could slow down for just a second, that would be amazing. I swear, I'm taking in as much as I can, with how fast this is flying by.
Now, before you get any further, know that I couldn't be happier that I'm marrying my best friend. I am so in love with this man, you have no idea. I can't wait until we have babies, and get old and wrinkly together with our seven dogs and four grandchildren. But, something has really been weighing on my mind about this whole marriage thing. What if I don't want to change my name?
I know it's traditional to take the man's last name. And it's not that I don't like Zack's last name, because I do! I think it's great! I just, LOVE my last name. It's been my last name for the past twenty-eight years, and I don't know how keen I am on changing it. I mean, I could hyphenate it, so it'll be Kristiane Elisabeth Spires-Timmons, but c'mon. That's really long to put on a drivers license, or on any legal document. Plus, how would my signature look?! It'll be one super long scribble!
My children would have Zack's name, that's not in question. And I'm not one of those liberal, feminist, crazy ladies who has to keep her name in order to hold on to what makes her female. But I am one of those crazy, feminist liberals who loves her last name, and doesn't think she should need to give it up in order to start a life with someone she loves.
I have days where I would LOVE to be Mrs. Timmons. And in reality, that's what I'll be. But I'll also be a Spires. Forever. I want to have the same last name as my mom, and my sister, and my dad. I want to stay a Spires. I'm weirdly attached to my last name. It's not the only thing that makes me, well, me, but it's a huge part of who I am. I researched it for weeks back in the sixth grade for a heritage project, and I know all the origins of 'Spires' and any Gaelic or Welsh heritage it holds. I found my family crest, and drew it on a piece of cardstock to go along with my report on how awesome my last name was. (again, Timmons is just as awesome a last name, it's just not my name...) Then, there are days when I'm reminded that 'This is your last (Insert holiday here) as a Spires!" and I burst into tears.
I think in my mind, if I'm not a 'Spires' anymore, I can only be a 'Timmons'. I know that's not really the case, and that I'll always have my family, but I mean, I won't be (just) a Spires. I will (also) be a Timmons. I'll be part of two different families. One from birth, and one by choice (Zack's choice to incorporate my crazy self into his loving family) and maybe it's difficult to wrap my mind around.
I've been so independent for so long, that I've just been used to calling my own shots, but here comes Zack, and he wants to marry me, and be my husband. But he lets me be independent. He lets me spend time alone if I need it. He respects when I need to make a mess in the basement because I've had a random surge in creative energy, and he doesn't get (too) mad when I don't pick my mess up for a few days (read weeks). He even supports my decision to keep my name! I know that's not like, a crazy concept for most people, but a few generations ago, it would have been really frowned upon. Some people replace their middle names with their maiden names, but I just like my middle name too much to go that route. Elisabeth is just too cool of a middle name to let it be shunned because I'm getting married.
I guess I'll just have a ridiculously long name because I'm very attached to my birth name, and it's not going anywhere. Good thing I have a few months to decide! (Lets be honest, I'm not going to make any sort of decision until the night before we have to get a license. I'll totally forget about this until then and freak out about it when the time comes.)
What would you do? Was changing your name hard? (not physically, but emotionally) do you wish you would/wouldn't have changed your name? Did you feel different? Was it hard to get used to writing a new name? I feel like these are things that should be addressed in any marriage class!
